When we agreed to enter this dynamic, most of what we talked about and how we designed our FLR was on the basic principle that She would lead me. Naturally, there are cross over elements in a FLR with BDSM specifically as it relates to the Dom/sub dynamic. My Princess and I have discussed the fact that taking our relationship to another level will involve really diving in deep to the BDSM aspect of this. As I’ve journaled, I am naturally submissive and a masochist, so any BDSM scene that involves me being used to Her desire and for Her pleasure, excites me. In some ways, I just assumed that She would take a more dominatrix like role with me and our discussion this weekend focused on the reality that although She is an incredible leader, She is not naturally dominant. Believing that somehow, She would know how to dominate me, is an unrealistic expectation.
Similarly, I am only scratching the surface on being Her submissive and need to learn to do better and to truly submit in every aspect of my being. We’ve begun to explore the idea of true sexual submission and dominance, in the hopes that we can move our dynamic into our sex lives with more intent and result.
Listening to Dominatrix podcasts, we are both learning a lot and really trying to understand how our dynamic can be enhanced by changing our approach in the bedroom. Don’t get me wrong, our sex is amazing and like most weekends, last weekend was full of incredible, kinky activity that included Her plugged and masturbating to waves of orgasm using the magic wand on Herself, while sitting on the couch. I was in absolutely awe as She squirmed, vibrated, screamed, shook, and moaned with every pulse of the wand until, spent, She collapsed into a heap of sweaty sexually satisfied flesh. Then our play on Monday was epic and included vibrating plugs, clitoral vibrators, spanking, enemas, dildos, a huge zucchini in my ass, Her fisting me, and then again, Her busting out rolling orgasms with the magic wand with my dick in Her ass.
Although it was incredible, it wasn’t D/s because I planned it all and selected the actions that She was going to do to me as well as the actions I was going to do to Her. Once in the scene, She does take control and decides how She will play with me, and demands how I will play with Her, but a submissive in a scene should not be in any control of that scene and realizing that even our BDSM scenes have always been planned by me, gives us an opportunity to rethink the D/s dynamic in the bedroom and recreate our approach.
Getting from where we are today to where we want to be, will take some more research and continued efforts on my part to teach Her how to dominate me. This will require a re-evaluation and memorialization of my limits and the things that I consent that She do, with levels of interest so that She can focus on the things that I want the most. I also need to continue to teach Her how to use the things that we own to build a scene that includes the right toys/tools and provide Her with an inventory of what we own so She can plan better and continue listening to podcasts and watching scenes in porn to provide Her with ideas.
Lots to do, but the journey continues to enthrall me, and it is obvious, we are both thriving as a result of the changes we’ve made to our relationship.
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