No Spilled Milk

I noted that I had never had play time and left the door open because I feared my Princess would see me playing and I’d be Embarrassed.  I do not fear that anymore and I feel like her watching me would be kind of fun.  We had a very nice Sunday afternoon relaxing on the couch, watching football, and enjoying each other’s company, and some wine.

 On Monday, I got a nice relaxing maintenance spanking, and we decorated the Christmas tree before enjoying each other in the bedroom.  Another great afternoon of play which gave me the opportunity to do all the things I love to do with my Princess and then we relaxed on the couch together before I made Sheppard’s Pie for dinner.  Later, I was allowed to spend some time alone in the sex room, and again, I left the door open and had an amazing session alone.

Now the bad stuff.  I was very cranky with my Princess while decorating the tree and I deserved the punishment that she gave me.  I also have not shared this with her, but I’m sure we will discuss it tonight.  I obviously drank too much before we played because I couldn’t finish.  I faked finishing so that I could go back to giving her oral.  Even during my play time in the bedroom, I didn’t finish and by the time I was ready for bed, I felt an overwhelming need for a release.  Instead of owning up to the faking and asking if I could masturbate, I planned to go to bed and masturbate, but was cut short because she joined me in bed shortly after I started.  I felt very guilty about this today and when my Princess rewarded me with self-spanking, I took that opportunity to spank myself harder than I had ever done it before, and much harder than she has ever done it. This was not an enjoyable self-spanking.  I started with about 75 smacks all over my bottom with the brush, then used the yard stick for a while, before using the plastic crop until I was blistered and even a little bloody.  I finished my severe punishment with a few smacks on my wet ass with the shower brush while I showered.

In my mind, I broke at least two more rules yesterday.  I was dishonest with Her and I tried to masturbate.  I’ve compounded the issue today, because again, I am in a bad mood, and I snapped at my Princess when she suggested that we move the pans and then I lost my temper on the line.  In my mind, I am at least at 5 demerits, and I’ll be sure to discuss these with Her tonight.

I am sure that my mood today and yesterday is due mostly because on both days this weekend, I drank too much and ended up with a hangover and it also impacted my ability to finish when we played and certainly lends itself to making bad decisions.  I need to control my weekend drinking so that this never happens again.  Especially as it related to our playtime.  I want to be more present for what is my favorite and the best time of the week.

Wednesday morning of week 3 and halfway through the week and already at least 5 demerits for which I’ve received some punishment and expect more tonight.  Today I was not allowed to wear a butt plug, urethra plug, or nipple suckers to work, and I felt naked without them.  Every day since we began our FLR, I’ve had something in my butt, on or in my cock, and/or on my nipples and so it’s a little strange to feel nothing.  The challenge is that I am crazy horny right now.  Likely because I’ve had so much stimulation since the last time, I had an orgasm a week and a half ago.

I was allowed to wear the panties my Princess picked out which I love. They are a lacy pair of boy shorts that are teal in color and feel great on.  I especially like how my butt cheeks peak out from the bottom.  Before we began this, I hadn’t worn any of my panties in a very long time because I was enjoying wearing Her dirty panties every day. I am enjoying working through my inventory and wearing them again, or in some cases for the first time.

My butt is still a little sore and black and blue from my severe self-spanking yesterday, but I am proud of the marks and like showing them off to my Princess.  I hope She can learn to spank me harder than I spank myself and for longer.  I’ve also been thinking lately about providing Her with resources and instructions about CBT.  I’ve mentioned to Her a bunch of times that I enjoy self-play with CBT and would love for her to get proficient and comfortable with performing it on me in a BDSM setting.  It is unfair of me to think that she will suggest this or start doing it without resources and the knowledge of how to do it without hurting me.

Now for the bad.  I had an episode this morning that I need to own up to tonight.  I went to get air in Her tires and as I was pulling into the pump, a young girl in a very large pick-up truck pulled into the air pump in front of me and started to fill her massive tires with air.  I waited about twenty minutes while she filled three tires and then she backed out and I pulled into the spot to fill my tires.  She backed up behind me and opened her window to say something to me.  I opened my window, and she told me that she wasn’t done and that she needed to move her truck to reach the last tire.  Now pissed off, I lost my cool and left the gas station tires screeching.  In some ways, I feel this was justified, but the reality is that only I looked like an idiot, and I shouldn’t have lost my temper.

Last night leaving work, I was anticipating a punishment when I got home to account for my six demerits so far this week.  I was excited and nervous as I drove home, and she did not disappoint.  I was told to change into my pink teddy and stand quietly in the corner for ten minutes and think of something that I could do to her that wasn’t sexual.  It was harder than I thought it would be, especially because I was barefoot and standing on a jute rug.  Oddly enough, I also felt exposed and a bit embarrassed, two feelings I never thought I’d feel, but I appreciate that she went the extra effort to check on me and spank my ass.  Afterwards, I was instructed to kiss her toes while apologizing and she was hot and a bit clammy so her toes were moist and unbelievably delicious.

Today (Thursday), I feel euphoric again.  I had a magnificent morning.  Up by 6:00 am and finished my chores before she awoke.  I laid out lots of stuff for me to wear today including a few butt plug options, urethral plugs, ball stretchers and nipple toys with the hopes that she would allow me to go to work feeling filled up again.  She did and I’m wearing my favorite plug, a ball ring and nipple clips that all feel amazing.  She also picked out a cute pair of floral panties that, I don’t mind telling you, I look great in.  Beyond all that, I got a sip of pee, and we made out will I tickled her clit (Twice) before she left for work.  I can’t stop thinking about her and watching her at work today, dreaming of the things I’d like to do to her.

My morning was further enhanced because I still have her pee panties from this weekend and now, they are almost dry, but still smell amazing.  As I made the bed and set-up the bedroom/bathroom for her, I put these panties over my nose and mouth and wore them like a COVID mask, inhaling her beautiful scent while I worked.  It was intoxicating and later I asked her to self-spank and while I beat my ass mercilessly with the bamboo paddle, the three-fingered leather strap, and the plastic riding crop, I kept my nose in those panties and inhaled Her.  Her scent eased the pain of the spanking.  Driving to work with so much of my body abuzz with various sensations, and emotionally relieved and spent, I felt an easy feeling of calmness and tranquility come over me.

The efforts that She is making to tease and motivate me are working.  I’d do anything for her and I’m not sure I have ever been this titillated and horny.  I think she is enjoying it also and I see her getting aroused too.  Not a bad way to reconnect and enhance what was an already amazing marriage and sex life!

I also videoed my self-spanking and will offer it to her as a way of showing her how to spank me if she is interested.  I am also going to share some spanking resources in her guide so she has a reference and ad I said yesterday, I’ll provide her with cock and ball torture resources so she can learn the art of CBT. 

I have been playing around on Quora lately and sharing some of my experiences.  Quora is a website where people ask random questions that are categorized, and people provide answers about personal experiences and their knowledge.  Like other social media apps, people upvote answers that they like and can follow different categories and specific topics, including many sexual and relationship topics.  I am going to share this with my Princess also because I think she could use it as a resource like me.

Finally, Saturday morning and the last day of the week.  I haven’t updated this in a couple of days, but yesterday was bad and I mistreated my Princess at work again.  She is being way too kind to me and has punished me with a chore, which will be mundane, but not equivalent to the way I treated her.  I thought for sure last night I’d be severely punished, and I would have deserved it.  The day started very well as I went to work with my “Anal Slut” panties on which always make me feel dirty.  I also got to plug my penis, wear nipple suckers, and I had the biggest butt plug in that I’ve ever worn to work, or out of the house.  Somehow the day slipped away from me, and I lost my cool though.

Today started out incredibly good.  I was up by 6:15 and finished my chores.  My Princess got to sleep in until 8:00 am and I’m happy that she rested.  When I got into the bathroom after she awoke, I found a full cup of pee from last night.  I like it more, warm, but I sucked it down in two gulps and could taste her sweet tartness in my mouth while I finished making the bed and setting out my outfit for her to approve. 

I was allowed to scrub her back in the shower and I loved as she arched her back, pushing her butt towards me and I could rub my growing erection against her soapy ass.  She then demanded that she scrub my back, and in position with my arms on the wall, I arched my back and pushed my butt towards her in an obvious sign of submission.  She finished scrubbing my back and then reached between my legs to softly squeeze my balls, then She slid her fingers up my butt crack and tickled my asshole as she passed by.  I was in heaven and hell simultaneously.  The pleasure was incredible, but I needed a release and my balls ache for Her.  While she rinsed, I slowly stroked myself and when I stopped, she softly grabbed my cock and stroked it a bit before getting out of the shower.  I am teased to the point of near explosion now and will be nearly overwhelmed all day.

She let me dress for work with a pair of purple and black panties with an open bottom, clips on my nipples, a silicone sound in my urethra and into my bladder, and my steel Njoy prostate plug.  The plug I haven’t worn in years, and I’ve never had the sound inserted while wearing that plug.  The shape of the plug and its heavy weight means it sits perfectly on my prostate.  The silicone sound runs through the middle of my prostate and so the combination of both toys on my prostate was overwhelming.  The plug has an ingenious design and is made to require the user to squeeze and relax his anus around the stem, which in turn moves the head of the plug against the prostate, creating stimulation.  As I finished getting ready and drove to work, my butt was clenching and unclenching the plug, while the sound was sliding around inside my prostate creating this overwhelming sensation of fullness coupled with pure ecstasy.  I couldn’t concentrate on driving and could barely contain myself.  When I got to work, I had to remove the sound and the plug, otherwise I’d not get anything done.  That experiment may be better done at home!

I’m looking forward to our conversation tomorrow, as well as all play time with her this weekend, and my maintenance spanking on Monday.  In terms of our conversation, I have several topics that I’d like to discuss including rethinking the punishment system and maybe just making it more freelance.  I also learned about a way to make a severe punishment spanking even more severe by including figging, that I’d like to talk about.  I’d also like to talk about my CBT idea and see if maybe we can schedule a “lesson” this weekend, and share the spanking information I found with her, and finally, I’d like to regroup on Rituals and Protocol based on some things that I’ve read.