Well, the week is certainly off to a good start. I’m not sure that our weekend could have been any better. Although I got punished with a spanking and many extra chores (all of which I deserved) which made Saturday a long tough day for me, I got so much in the way of reward that outweighed any punishment.
Sunday morning began with a great communication session followed by the first half of my spanking. I then I did some selfcare with a cleanse, hair removal of my private area and behind, toenail cutting and polish. Then with my sore behind, I dressed in my Maid’s outfit and did chores until early afternoon when I received the second half of my punishment spanking.
The afternoon was all about pampering my Princess and relaxing with her on the couch. I got to comb her hair, massage, and lotion her feet, massage her face, and scratch her back. I also got pee panties and a cup of pee.
On Monday we started the day with a maintenance spanking which was lots of fun, followed by a trip to the beach to drink Starbuck’s and to watch the waves, then off to Walmart to shop and then back home and I was allowed to wear my favorite butt plug the whole time. I finished my morning chores then got to shave my Princesses private area and then after I licked her until she came while I held her arms and had my tongue inside her. We ate lunch and then I got to clip her toenails and paint her toes (coral). We relaxed a bit and then retired to the bedroom where I got to lick her butt and play with her until she had another orgasm. She then rolled over to me, lubed up my favorite Dildo and stuck it inside me while she jerked me off the then sucked on me. Eventually, I took over jerking off while she focused on the dildo and before long, I had an amazing orgasm. First one in 7 days. Spent, exhausted, content and fulfilled, we sat on the couch drinking wine and passed out until I had to cook dinner.
All in all, just an amazing weekend where for the first time in a very long time, all our focus was on each other and our relationship and not on other things. It felt good to love her the way I did all last week and over the weekend.
I thought yesterday was a perfect day for me and my behavior. I did everything I was supposed to do and more and kept a very positive attitude all day and night. I felt very content. I did, however, inadvertently leave a naked butthole picture on my Princesses picture file that she saw, so I am to be punished. I take full responsibility for this and deserve whatever She decides.
We had an interesting discussion last night and again this morning. The discussion came up last night about my porn habit and looking at porn on the couch. She called me out for it, and I was defensive and told her that we hadn’t agreed that watching porn was against her rules. However, I thought about it last night and again this morning and it dawned on me that it’s not my decision to make. I’ve given over to her, total control of all aspects of my time and behavior and although we hadn’t agreed upon a specific porn rule, my free time belongs to her so I should never assume that what I do that is for me, watching porn, doesn’t need her prior approval.
Beyond that idea, it also dawns on me that my watching porn is the only thing that I do secretly now. Freeing myself of the bourdon of hiding my dirty little secrets from her by asking permission and doing things openly, has given me an amazing feeling of openness and sharing, especially as it has come with acceptance and even some excitement from her. My porn watching should be managed by her and not me because she knows best, and I do not want to do anything ever again behind her back. I am sure we will have more to discuss this Sunday on this topic.
I’ve become more aware of, and my Princess seems more willing to show her dominance by calling me out when I think I should be able to decide, and I love watching it happen. I also see it more at work, where she routinely lays down the law to some of the employees. It’s intoxicating! I imagine, over time and with more practice, she will be able to take complete control of me, and her dominance at work will become even more obvious to me and others.
Today is Wednesday, more than halfway through our FLR week and again, like last Wednesday, I feel euphoric. Yesterday I was incredibly run down and by the afternoon, I was physically and mentally drained. I almost felt discouraged for the first time. No doubt a product of our amazing weekend, but well worth it, and that discouragement was gone this morning after a good night’s sleep and relaxation last night with Her on the couch. Today, she allowed me to wash Her back naked together in the shower and I got so turned on as She bent forward in front of me with my growing erection rubbing Her thighs. I
couldn’t help but watch from inside the shower as She dried herself off. She gave me more rewards today too. She picked out a nice black butt plug for me to wear today, a nice sleezy pair of open ass panties, nipple clips and a blue cock ring. Then She let me self-spank which again calmed me down, leveled my head, and made me feel alive. Driving to work I never once thought about the lousy drivers cutting me off or riding my ass and at one point, I looked at the speedometer and I was actually going the speed limit, and not my normal 5-10 MPH over, and I was happy at that speed.
Friday morning after Thanksgiving and feeling good in my role. I truly like taking care of my Princess and making sure that she always has everything she needs. I look forward to getting up at 6:00 AM to get everything done for her before she rises. I am thriving on serving her and I hope she is enjoying it and finds out how to keep me motivated. She squeezed my butt at work today and I liked that a lot. Getting any attention from her makes my heart flutter with excitement.
According to the rules, I’ve been very good so far this week, but I also know that she is being lenient with me and letting me get away with stuff. I was short with her at least three times today at work. Not blatant crankiness, but quick answers to her questions when I was busy because “I couldn’t be bothered”. I want to stop doing that and I hope she starts to hold me accountable.
Yesterday (Friday) was a decent day for me. I was a bit cranky at work and my Princess called me out and I got control of myself. Otherwise, I had a very good week at work with no issues losing control. Looking forward to our weekend together!
As I continue to do research about FLR, and especially about the way I want to explore my femininity, I get more confused about how I should be classified. There seem to be three terms that might describe me, cross-dresser, sissy, or femdom (boy). In much of my research indicates that in many ways, the terms are interchangeable. However, there is some indication that being a sissy is closer to be a transvestite, which is not me. Often, sissies want to be women and are gay, but not exclusively. I do not desire to be a woman and I am not gay. I like expressing my feminine side, like to be objectified, and like being submissive especially in a sexual way. I guess I lean more towards being a femboy.
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