The acceptance by my Princess to be my leader and to adopt a FLR with me has made me euphoric and she and I spent Sunday and Monday learning how to build this dynamic for us and drafting the basic principles of our relationship to include my rules, a punishment guide, rituals and protocol, rewards, areas in which my Princess will control my life and our relationship, and suggested ways in which I can pamper her.
Now five days in my euphoria has only grown. I am really trying hard not to break any rules, but I know I have broken a few that I have not yet been punished for. Nonetheless, I am also really trying to be the best sub I can be for her by doting on her, serving her in every way and doing everything in the house. Leading into this dynamic, I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to keep up with everything I was supposed to do or that being responsible for everything would annoy me. To the contrary, I find it exhilarating, incredibly rewarding, and even arousing being her servant/submissive.
I am aware that I’ve only begun finding ways to serve her and to satisfy her. I have much more to do to get better at keeping the house clean and making sure I am addressing all her needs, but she has rewarded me so far this week beyond what I deserve. She allowed me playtime on Monday, allowed me to self-spank, wear nipple clips and suckers, wear ball stretchers, provided me with pee panties and cups of pee for my enjoyment, and so much more.
I’ve also had a bit of a realization this week that has helped me to understand that I have been selfish with my orgasms through masturbation all my life. Changing my mindset to one where I must earn my orgasms and any rewards that my Princess will allow me, has helped me to realize that masturbating when I’m horny alleviates the arousal and makes me feel good. However, abstaining while serving her and while being teased purposely and without knowing it by her, builds even stronger arousal and creates an overwhelming level of desire that keeps building in anticipation for that opportunity to orgasm for her. It’s an easy decision for me to stop masturbating unless I’m told to do so and only if it pleases her.
Another realization that I came to so far this week is that I finally feel like I am living the life I was meant to live. I have chased this overwhelming need to be a subordinate, crossdressing, masochistic sissy who needs to worship his Princess to be happy. With this change in our dynamic, I feel complete for the first time in my life. My Princess has allowed me to express myself as I want to be, and she seems to be thriving on it. A week ago, I would have been so embarrassed if she saw me wearing the Maid’s costume, I could never have done it. Not only was the outfit her idea, but she genuinely loved seeing it on me and this excited the living hell out of me. All my dirty little secrets are out in the open and together we are enjoying them rather than them just being for me. I love that she is participating with me.
I felt great Friday morning. I got up early to get a jump on my chores and felt amazing as I was able to serve my Princess three cups of coffee and breakfast. I took care of the dog area, put them out, cleaned up after them, finished the laundry, made the bed, laid out options for my Princess to pick for me to wear, got the bathroom ready with towels and a washcloth for her to shower, cleaned up the kitchen and loaded up the dishwasher, washed the dog blankets and pad cover, and then got ready for work. All in all, a great start to the day.
Work, however, did not go as well. No excuses, but Friday and Saturday between 11:00 am and 3:30 pm are very difficult when we are busy. Mostly because I have to cover so much of the line and literally run from one end of the line to the other and back and forth into the walk-in. It is incredibly easy to have so many things going at once that things fall through the cracks, and that frustrates me to no end. Regardless, I lost my cool a few times and certainly mistreated my Princess and now that my emotions are in check again, I am sorry I couldn’t stay calm. I must work harder and try the breathing technique that she suggested. I hope I can salvage the day and stay under control.
I think we’ve settled on how I am to address my Princess. I started calling her my Princess because it felt correct, and it reminds me of “The Princess Bride”. I think she likes it, and it seems that we’ve adopted that name as ours at home and alone together name. I know anywhere else, including work, I’m expected to respond with “yes ma’am”.
Finally, the last day of the week. I’m not happy it’s over because I’m tired of work like I usually am. I’m tired of work, but I am so thrilled about spending time with my Princess. I hope our conversation tomorrow will help us continue to build on week one of our new dynamic, and to be honest, I am looking forward to my maintenance spanking on Monday, but the opportunity to please her sexually and with my service to her this weekend has me so fucking horny and eager.
I am a bit nervous about the punishments that she will give me this weekend because I know I deserve serious behavior modification. I am hopeful that today I can improve my behavior and I’m ready with a tampon in my ass, a cock ring on, nipple clips, and a sweet Ziploc bag full of my Princesses pee panties to enjoy when times get tough.
Rules Infractions for the week:
- I left a picture of my ass in our photo library (known)
- I was short with my Princess (5) times at work (not known)
- I did not put away the rice at work when I was told to (known, but not punished)
- I lost my temper (3) times this week while driving alone (not known)
- I made a “want” purchase without asking (not known)
- I lost my cool with Sina and Mehmet on the line on Thursday night and was throwing things around (not known)
- I got very frustrated and lost my cool on Friday during lunch and dinner.
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