In 1990, after a few years together, I married my Princess and we've been together ever since.  We have had a kinky and robust sexual life together and have experimented with various lifestyle dynamics.  Once our kids grew up and moved out, a bit of an explosion occurred in our kinkiness and closeness.  We became much more experimental and once my Princess had survived menopause, our sex became the best ever.

Over a period of maybe the last ten years, I've tried to understand my feelings and desires better.  I reflected a lot on what I was fantasizing about and what I wanted/needed sexually and in life generally.  I didn’t understand why I wanted to wear panties, or play with my asshole, or get pegged, or be naked, or got pain from pleasure.  I wasn’t trying to put an identification on these things, just simply trying to understand them.  I’m lucky to have married the most amazing woman, who has not only been there to support my journey but has been an active and enthusiastic partner.

Although my journey to understand and accept who I am really began in earnest about ten years ago, I’ve always had proclivities, kinks, and fetishes.  My journey with anal self-exploration began even before puberty when I was putting random things inside myself and enjoying the way my body felt.  In the decades since, anal play with dildos, butt plugs, pegging, fisting, enemas, suppositories, random objects, etc. has been frequent and consistently my biggest fetish.  In fact, I knew I had found the right person when my Princess and I were naked on the floor of our first apartment, in a 69 position and I was licking Her pussy while fingering Her ass and pussy and She was sucking my dick and She started fingering my asshole.  That started our journey of 35 years (so far) of intense anal play.

I’ve spent maybe ten years trying to understand what my needs meant about me and how I could best satisfy these needs.  It’s been an interesting and enjoyable adventure to say the least, but through research and experimentation, I came to realize several things about my sexual and basic life needs.  I mentioned previously that I’ve worn women’s panties for many years.  It started with wearing my Princess’s dirty panties in secret.  Eventually, I shared with Her my fetish, and then one day, I asked Her if I could buy some of my own panties, and since then, I’ve collected and wear a large inventory of all kinds of panties from granny panties to lacy thongs.  Wearing panties allows me to express a deep need to express more femininity and having them on under my suit at work, fed the kinkiness factor, which I thrive on.

Wearing panties filled a need, but as I’ve learned more recently, more actively expressing my feminine side was my desire.  I wanted to be womanlier at home with my Princess and I came out to Her as a cross dresser a couple of years ago, but not until recently have I begun to exclusively wear women’s clothes at home.  I love weekends because after I shower and shave my chest, belly, and underarms, and remove all the hair from my torso, I paint my toenails and fingernails, dress in a bra, lowcut blouse, mini skirt and leggings and spend the weekend with my Princess in all my feminine glory.

I realize for many; cross dressing may be confusing, and it is certainly not accepted by mainstream society as a normal practice, but like many men, I feel happier when I dress.  I want to be clear on this, I am not homosexual or transgender, I have no desire to be a woman and only have romantic interest in women.  My research indicates that most cross dressers are heterosexual men.  In fact, in all other aspects of my life, I am very masculine.

My desire to cross dress is interlinked with a strong need to be submissive and to serve my Princess.  This too, is a recent revelation.  My Princess and I have played with various BDSM dynamics and for many years I thought I was a “switch”.  At one point, we tried a Dom/sub dynamic where She was contracted and collared to me and that didn’t last long, mostly because the dynamic didn’t suit us.  As I came to realize that I had this need to serve Her, our lives had taken a significant turn.  After 30 years working with a large company in an executive leadership role, I took an early retirement and together She and I purchased a business together.  We began working together and I got to watch as She thrived taking charge of and leading our employees.  Watching Her lead others and my need to serve Her, led me to researching and eventually proposing that our sexual and relationship dynamic take on a female led component. We discussed this idea and did some additional research together and eventually we agreed to try a female led relationship that includes a component of domestic discipline.

More on our FLR later, but now is the point where I mention that I am also masochistic.  I derive pleasure from the endorphins that kick in when pain is applied to me.  I’ve experimented alone with this for many years through cock and ball torture, nipple clamps, sounding rods and many other ways.  I also occasionally self-spanked and as we discussed our FLR, we agreed that domestic discipline would be an important part of our dynamic.  Discipline not only motivates me to do better but helps me improve myself in areas that are important to my Princess.  For us, the discipline takes the form of a weekly maintenance spanking with various paddles, whips, and floggers, discipline spankings to include figging at times, time out, and corner time.

Again, interconnected with cross dressing, submission, and masochism is my sexual orientation.  I stated earlier that I am not homosexual or in any way transgender.  I’m also not bisexual, but in the right circumstance, under the right condition and with my Princess’s approval, I would give oral pleasure to a man or transgender female or let them take me anally.  I am heteroflexible which basically means that I have no romantic interest in people of the same sex, I do not find them attractive (passable trans females are the exception) and my only interest in them is sexual.  This no doubt is deeply connected to my need to submit.  When I watch any kind of pornography, I am not experiencing it from the perspective of the man who has his cock inside a woman, I am experiencing it from her point of view, yearning to feel what she is feeling.  When it comes to sex, women have something that a man can never experience without submitting to another man or trans female.  They are being used to satisfy someone else’s sexual needs.  That is the definition of the ultimate submission and for me an intense desire for that level of power loss and loss of control is titillating.

Rounding out my sexual and life make-up, I am also an exhibitionist.  I love being naked and always have.  I generally have no interest in being naked around anyone other than my Princess, but She and I have been to a nude beach a few times, and frankly the experience is incredible.  There is no better feeling than the total freedom of being naked in front of others, in the sun and in the ocean.  Otherwise, my exhibitionism takes form at home where I sleep naked, serve my Princess naked, and complete all my chores naked.  I love bending over and exposing myself to my Princess while scrubbing the toilet or washing the kitchen floor and knowing She can see every intimate part of me.  If I am lucky, I might get a swat on the ass or a pinch.  So, that is me.  I am a heteroflexible, cross dressing, submissive, masochist who likes to be naked.

Now that you know me, let me share why I started this website/blog.  A few months back, my Princess and I sat on our couch together and spent most of the day designing a new dynamic for our sexual and non-sexual lives together.  We had agreed to enter into a dynamic where She would take lead of me in every way and that I would serve Her.  As I mentioned earlier, She thrives as a leader and I thrive when I can serve Her.  We came to an agreement on the rules of our relationship, protocols, and rituals that we’d adhere to in our relationship, my daily/weekly chores and tasks that I am responsible for, and punishment that I would receive if I broke the rules, misbehaved, or didn’t properly complete my tasks.  We knew then that this would be an epic journey for us, and we decided that I would memorialize the journey by journaling.  Eventually, we decided to build this webpage so that the journal could be viewed more easily by Her and to share with anyone who might be interested in our journey.

Captured in these pages you will find journal entries I’ve made that describe all our activities and are very personal.  I’ve also provided all the details that make up our relationship including Her rules, our protocols and rituals, punishments, rewards, etc.  We’ve chosen to remain anonymous for obvious reasons, but mostly because this is our relationship and although we don’t mind sharing most things, some topics are for us.  I hope you find value in my posts, and feel free to ask any questions that you have.